February shivers.

It was just a subway ride. Really. But this year around, february seems as lost as me, sometimes rainy, sometimes angry, but mostly lost. Did it lose it’s way between the crushing winter and the promised spring? February, rattling up my heart. February, my wandering lover. February, don’t you see? This is how we’re meant to be. Wandering, wandering, shivering, shivering, till summer comes around and we realize. Oh it was better, so much better, when we were drifting, wandering, shivering in february.


You know they say
memories are strange things
I think they’re like metro stations,
disappearing one after another,
blocks of steel railings and hazy tress,
pushing you to where you ought to be
But I wish I could get off on my favorite station,
and stay there forever
Right when the door opens at age sixteen,
I realize this is it,
I want to be in school forever,
the world full of possibilities,
my veins full of life,
looking forward to football every week,
and the prom every year.
when all the books are still new,
and women haven’t lost their novelty.
With the MJ cassettes & a superman cape
You don’t really need anything, or anybody
floating around in that crystal ball
of four chord songs & afternoon dates.
Every little morning sends your body to shivers.
everything is exciting, everything is magic.
But well you know, you didn’t get out.
Your station is here, age twenty two.
Stepping out,the cold city chill does make you shiver
But not every shiver is the good kind;
So you head for a smoke.


4 thoughts on “February shivers.

  1. Is there a way to “keep” the station you’d rather be in, in your present? You don’t have a choice about growing older, but there’s always a choice about ‘growing up’. Has your jaded, cynical side killed the thrill of playing? And if so, can you ever get back there again?

  2. Hey there, dragonkatet.

    I have to admit I never thought of it like that. Is my jaded, cynical self beyond repair? I guess I’ll never know until I try to find out. I suppose a “major” part of growing up was destruction of possibilities. You know, like things became more “real”. And to undo that, I really need to explore this life more.


  3. Beautiful lament, is this how Adam felt when he was expelled from the Garden? A metaphor perhaps but all too real is the life we want to feel and the life we have felt.

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